Hey,
So there I was, minding my own business the day before the start of my college semester. Just put in a season of the Office to the ol' 360, was ready to have a lazy day. My phone rings and it's my good friend LunaTik, asking if I would like to join him on a trip to the flea market. I get giddy at the thought, and off we go to the land of low prices, lower quality control, and general insanity. I didn't even know it when I walked in, but a quick tour of the place, and I knew I had to document what I was seeing around me, so future generations could revel in the bullshittery that I was experiencing. What follows below is a photo tour of what I saw this day along with running commentary of what I can remember. Enjoy the fruits of my labor of spending an entire day looking like an asshole with a camera at a flea market.
We began our journey at the "One Dollar Store", which isn't so much of a store as it is a franchise when it comes to Tampa Flea Markets. After walking around two separate yet ajacent markets, I can say this with authority. Strangely, all of them seem to have the same mysterious slogan of "Some Items A Dollar and Up", which not only implies that there are items above and below a dollar, but undermines the very title of the store itself. Wonderful.
After looking around a bit, we were welcomed by this sign above a table with stacks upon stacks of T-Shirts. Several questions are raised here. Was this sign put up after an incident of people maliciously knocking over T-Shirts and then running off giggling like Snidely Whiplash? Or is it merely a precaution? If I did happen to unfold a bunch of shirts and try to leave, what kind of security would I be met with? Could they legally detain someone who refuses to fold shirts? What if a limbless blind man knocks over shirts, would he be trapped in there forever? These are the questions people.
No good flea market would be complete without a Wall O Tiki adorned with every wall decoration you need to make your friends think you went to Hawaii last summer. Nothing much more to say, other than I heart those Monster's Inc. bean bag chairs.
On to one of the surprising patterns of our trip, the persistent presence of stacks upon stacks of loose ShamWows. I would just say Shammies, but since they are stamped very clearly "Made in Germany" I know it's the good stuff Vince was talking about. When I took this picture, I was baffled by their advertisement of ShamWows as "blankets" and "comforters". Perhaps they had confused them with the similar "As Seen on TV" hit Snuggies? But then, as the trip went on, I kept seeing piles of these things loose everywhere.
I mean every shopkeep had enough ShamWows to run their own infomercials on late night TV. Is this where ShamWows come from? Did Vince Offer just go to a flea market and clear it out of Shammies, then go home and shoot a commercial? It still baffles me.
Then we have this sign. Referencing what I counted to be three shirts, a reminder that they are "Man's Wear" along with a reminder that "We do Wholesale!" and a sentence in Spanish. There were at least 5 other similar signs around this particular "One Dollar Store". At least they were consistent.
Just in case anyone was wondering at this point when they could go to the wonderful flea market in their home town, let me bring you down to earth with this charming picture of a used pot with old crusty food in it. Also, according to LunaTik, it smelled awful. This is no random picture, they were selling this and expecting money to take it off their hands, not giving you money to take it away.
But for every awful crusty pot, you also get gems like this half-assed Obama support shirt that I'm sure has been on the rack since mid 08. You can't get clip art quality shirts like this anywhere on the Internet, you can only find them in barely functioning bazaars like this one.
Here we have the Random Assortment of Super Heroes made in a Chinese Factory Playset. Another staple of horrible flea markets, this pack pictures a world where the Justice League consists of Black Robocop, Bug Eyes Batman, Spiderman, General Zod in a Superman Suit, and not one but TWO Red Power Rangers. Mr. Incredible is obviously the Professor X of the group, preferring to stay in the shadows and give orders from the Incredicave. All the Super Heroes Is Come!! indeed.
Not to be out done by the Justice League, this toy isle also contained the worst action figure interpretations of professional wrestlers ever seen by man. LunaTik holds Babyface Kane, and I say this not because he is a good guy, but because he literally has the face of a baby. I also took a picture of a Jeff Hardy so buff he must have been exercising with the included steel chair accessory, which is comically larger then the actual action figure. Unless the huge chairs are meant to signify that this is a line of "WWE Babies" action figures, which would make a lot of sense considering the time it takes for WWE to catch on to a fad.
In this strange isle populated by baby wrestlers and nonsensical superheroic teamups, what better way to shove more brands in then by painting cheap toy cars! Pictured is Ben 10-mobile, just one of several brands represented in the car toy department. Most of them seem to have been picked by the theme of new enough to not have cheap toy ripoffs but still old enough that people in China are aware of them. Anyway, I was about to say goodbye to the toy isle when I saw a toy that must have been designed by Freddy Krueger himself. Go on if you dare.
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