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Hey,
Last night at Midnight, a large group of friends and I embarked on a quest. That quest was to be among the first in the country to experience Sylvester Stallone's newest film, The Expendables. And what a film it was. After a long night of driving to and from the theater and then trying to sleep, I awoke this noon expecting to see a bunch of opinions pop up in my Google Reader and Twitter Feeds about the film. I got a few, but nothing of substance. What I got instead was a crapload of opinions, tweets, and unneeded hype for Scott Pilgrim, a film that I want to see, but not this weekend. This is Stallone's weekend. (An interesting fact about Scott Pilgrim, I have several friends who don't live on the internet who have NEVER heard of the film and have no idea what it's about. I was dumbfounded and it gives me hope that it will be the #2 movie this weekend.). Due to the apparent lack of passion for this future action classic, I have decided to write a review on my blog. Let's begin.
The story in any good action movie of this type is a plot device to get your hero or heroes in front of several dozen men that are in need of dispatching. In this film, Sly Stallone and his crew of mercenaries are hired by Bruce Willis to take out a dictator, and that's all the motivation Sly needs for the entire film. There is also a subplot involving Jason Statham, his girlfriend, and a group of assholes that only exists for the payoff scene, which is definitely worth the wait. The movie's story is very stereotypical, but it serves the plot well, and if you were going into this movie expecting a well written story, you need to make an appointment with your local physician.
Just in case anyone was wondering, the action is spectacular. This is an Hard R film in the vein of Commando, Rambo: First Blood, and Die Hard. Body parts fly apart, there are several heads blown clean off, and everything you can do in an action movie in 2010 is done and then some. I'm a veteran of these films and even I found myself pleasantly surprised at a few moments. If all the action scenes were strung together without anything else, it would be a short film worthy of praise. I would venture to say that if you have ever enjoyed an action film in your life, you will enjoy the hell out of this movie.
The characters in this movie are not characters. There is a reason when you talk about 80s action movies, you don't know the names of the characters. Everyone in this movie is playing themselves, and I wouldn't have it other way. Knowing this, Stallone gave the characters ridiculous names like Lee Christmas and Yin Yang, which made me chuckle in the end credits. Everyone has at least one chance to shine in the film, except perhaps Steve Austin, who I felt was underused as the basic muscle for the bad guy. Was it so much to ask for Steve Austin to pull out a Stunner? Or perhaps emerge out of a shattered window? I guess it's just the wrestling fan in me, but I wanted to see more out of Stone Cold. What was not disappointing was the much anticipated on screen meeting between Stallone, Willis, and Arnold. Let me just say that this exchange was perfect in every way it could be. Those expecting Arnold to be in the movie for a significant amount of time will be disappointed, but considering he's not a working actor right now, it's all that was needed for the film.
Now that we're in the 5th paragraph, anyone still reading is obviously the target audience for the movie. If you are reading this the weekend of posting, go see this movie. In theaters. Today. I'm sure you follow me when I say that this is the kind of movie we need more of right now. When would be action stars like The Rock are forced to do kiddie films because those will sell better then Hard R action flicks, there is a problem. This movie being successful could bring a new wave of action classics. Or Scott Pilgrim could win and the suits in Hollywood will shrug it off and say "Wow, movies based on Comics are still popular" I like my superhero movies as much as the next guy, but there is definitely something to be said for this kind of ridiculous explosion fest. Vote with your dollars and go see Expendables in theaters. Tell Hollywood that this kind of movie is what we want coming into theaters, and tell Stallone that we want the sequel he wants to make. If you're reading this after opening weekend, we haven't lost the battle yet, because Machette, staring Danny Trejo and Steven Seagal is coming out in September and promises to make a great one two punch with this film. Go see that at Midnight as well, you know you want to.
I can't put into words the feelings of joy and ecstasy my compatriots and I felt in the theater last night at 1 in the morning. Let this film be a glorious rebirth of a simpler time in movies. And don't listen to any critics, listen to a man who appreciates the fine art of the action film, this movie is an A+ gem that you will remember for years to come. Go enjoy the feast that Stallone has brought to us, and then pray for seconds.
-Pudge
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